As I continue on this unusual journey towards enlightenment, self-actualization, and adulthood, I'm reaching certain crossroads, some bigger than others, but they all seem to be important.
I recently reached a very uncomfortable one. One, which I knew was coming, but I knew I wouldn't be prepared for once it arrived. The crossroads I recently stood at, is where I was forced to decide whether I want to be a part of the underground world, or mainstream society.
As you may or may not know, I've spent the last three years of my life documenting the ins and outs of the St. Louis Underground Scene. Raves, clubs, and warehouse parties have typically been a part of my weekly agenda. These events however, happen to be things that have quite the negative connotation associated with them in mainstream society.
Despite my best efforts in trying to make it seem harmless to my friends on the outside, I have still been ostracized for years because of what I do. Said ostracism has always fallen by the waist side to me, because for the longest time, the scene has been an escape for me. A nice big warehouse party, with a couple of hundred people, loud music, and fire spinning, has always seemed like a good way to spend my time outside of a stressful class environment.
As my life has moved forward though, the bright colors of kandi, glow sticks, and light systems have started to fade. That beautiful underground world, that had me so enamored for years, started to become far less beautiful, and far less intriguing than it once was.
At the same time, my mainstream life was demanding that I walk away from the underground life entirely. I told my mainstream life to fuck off, time and time again, putting off the inevitable I guess. However, as the underworld grew darker and darker, reality began to set in. Friends who I once relied on and trusted began to disappear. I began to view the world in such a cynical, jaded manner, and I found I was starting to loathe people in general.
So now, here I stood, at the crossroads forced to pick either normal life, or marching to the beat of my own drum.
To take the mainstream path, I finish graduate school, then get a Ph.D, then spend a reputable 25 years teaching philosophy at a college somewhere, with 2.5 kids, a husband and a white picket fence.
To take the underground path, I could potentially spend my life, outcasted from normal society, involved with non trustworthy people, and going through everyday life cynically.
I stood at the crossroads thinking my choices over for months. However, it wasn't until today, when the final nail was laid into the coffin of my underground life, that I made my decision to walk away.
Three years of friendship to someone, and it all came undone in one moment. In five words, a tightly bound relationship crumbled like a 1,000 year old statue.
Needless to say, I've chosen the mainstream. I mean, after all, I'm just another Jewish girl from the suburbs. Three years, shooting parties every weekend, having to play Ms. Social Butterfly, has been exhausting.
In a span of three years I captured Shpongle, The Glitch Mob, Eoto, Dara, Mimosa, Hatirus, Nine Inch Nails, and last but not least, every single St. Louis based DJ.
I've had a good run, and its certainly a time in my life I will never forget, but its a phase that has passed.
Peace, love and happiness to all.
-Rue
